i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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