Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
