I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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