dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
