Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Quick, to the slutcave!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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