omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
