my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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