Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
