he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
