I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
