Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
