the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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