sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
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