K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
His nipple licking is glorious
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
