I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
