and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
