the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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