my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
