I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
