Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
