Christians are straight up FREAKS
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
