Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
