If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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