ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
