I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Randomize
