Sry I called you an 8
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
