i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
