she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
