So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
