Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
