i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
