you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
