Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
