omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
