So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
