Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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