I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize