you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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