Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
