I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
