So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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