Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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