Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
