Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
