I wish life had little blips of pornography
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i think i just lost a toe
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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