you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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