you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
3 2 1 whiskey
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
