please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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