he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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