i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
