i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
is it fun? or sober?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
