need another drink. this is the easiest way
why didn't you poke me back
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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