I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
