in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
