Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
