Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
