i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
