I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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