Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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