Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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