Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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