Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
