She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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