to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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