CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
